Oatmeal: It's Super Effective
by ShadesofImagination
Summary: Who knew sludgy breakfast foods could be so useful... One-shot. Silly fun.


**Oatmeal: It's Super Effective**

…

Cloud sighed, tucking his books tighter against his chest. Around him, the other occupants of the hall were snickering behind their hands, some laughing openly and he felt his cheeks burn. Thankfully, the speakers chimed, signaling the beginning of classes and they cleared out, leaving him standing by himself.

His shoulders slumped and he reached up, wiping oatmeal off his face. He could feel it in his hair, sliding down his neck and into the collar of his shirt, and he winced when a large drop slid down his back.

Ignoring it, he started down the hall. He was going to miss his next class but, for once, he didn't care. They would just tell him to get the hell out if he showed up covered in breakfast anyway.

The locker rooms weren't that far away…at the very least he could clean out his hair and maybe scrounge up a shirt from somewhere to use until he could run back to the barracks and change. Honestly, he didn't really feel like crossing the entire compound, oatmeal covered, for the world to see. Besides, it was sticky and his back was starting to itch.

A sound caught his attention and he glanced up, slowing to a stop. The door to his left had just opened and two men stumbled out: a dark haired man he'd never seen, who was grinning, eyes lit up and full of humor and Genesis Rhapsodos.

Cloud's eyes widened slightly. Gods, he was so dead if they saw him.

"Zack," Genesis muttered, slapping the other's hands away. "Stop molesting me in public."

Zack had different ideas it seemed and just laughed, stepping forward once again. "Come on, Genesis. Just one kiss and I'll leave you alone until after work. Besides, everyone's in class."

Cloud's cheeks lit up and he glanced around nervously. There was nowhere to hide. Maybe if he just…stood there…they might go away without seeing him? Internally, he rolled his eyes at himself. Still, it wasn't right to just stand there and watch them. It definitely…definitely wasn't right to do something…anything like that.

So…why wasn't he looking away?

It might have had something to do with the way Genesis sighed, a soft smile pulling at his lips, and wrapped his arms around Zack's neck. Or maybe, it had something to do with the way Zack's face lit up and he leaned in, brushing their lips together.

…Or maybe he was just a creep.

Okay, so he was definitely a creep.

He wasn't really of a mind to care, however, when Genesis relaxed into Zack and slid a hand up to grip the dark hair at the base of the man's neck.

In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but think that they looked almost awkward together and yet, they still fit. Maybe it wasn't so much the look as the feel he got from Zack: relaxed, fun, kind of lighthearted, a total contrast to what he'd heard of Genesis. Everyone had heard the rumors floating around about the First: he was self-centered, dramatic, with a wretched temper and a sadistic streak. Right now…he just looked happy.

A glob of cold oatmeal fell from his hair, landing on his nose and he jumped, dislodging one of the books in his grip. It fell to the floor with a smack and he froze.

Zack and Genesis broke apart in a blur, their eyes landing on him.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Genesis scowled and Cloud prepared for the worst. He certainly didn't look happy anymore. But, Instead of starting for Cloud, he turned to Zack and punched him in the shoulder, the solid hit ringing around the hall. "So much for not being in public!"

"Ouch! Genesis, what the hell?"

"Idiot," Genesis muttered. "You and your hands, they always get you in trouble."

Zack stuck out his tongue. "You weren't complaining about my hands last night."

"Zackary!"

Cloud took a hesitant step back.

"That's not my name," Zack protested, frowning.

"I don't care."

Maybe he could slip away…

Nodding to himself, Cloud turned on his heel and started back down the hall. Oatmeal really wasn't that bad. He could wait for a shower. So what if he smelled like brown sugar? He liked brown sugar.

A hand landed on his shoulder and he paused, back going rigid. "Where are you going?"

Slowly, he was turned around, coming face to face with both of them. Zack was peering at him curiously, smiling once again. Genesis, on the other hand was making a face at his hand. "And why…are you covered in oatmeal?" he asked, wiping it off on Zack's shirt before replacing it on Cloud's shoulder, somewhere less oatmeal-y then before.

"Um…"

"Hey, wipe that on your own stuff," Zack grumbled, shoving Genesis.

The First rolled his eyes and elbowed him in return. "What's your name?"

"Oh, um-"

"Ouch! That hurt, asshat," Zack interrupted, rubbing his stomach.

Genesis scowled, once again turning to Zack. "You're a SOLDIER, puppy, don't be such a baby."

"Don't call me that."

Cloud wasn't really sure what to do…not that he really had much of a choice in the matter. Genesis's hand was still firmly planted on his shoulder and they were standing right in front of him, arguing.

"Puppy."

"Stop if, _Gennifer_."

Another smack echoed around the hall. "Shut up," Genesis snapped. His hand left Cloud's shoulder and he slapped it over Zack's mouth. "I'm going to tell Angeal that you pissed on his flowers if you ever call me that again."

Zack's eyes widened and he made a muffled protest, shaking his head.

Cloud couldn't help it. He laughed. The pair froze, heads slowly turning in his direction. Genesis's cheeks were slightly flushed and he dropped his hand, clearing his throat. Zack looked much the same, reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

Silence settled around them and Cloud bit back another laugh, instead answering the question Genesis had asked earlier. "I'm Cloud."

Zack was the first to reply, leaning in to peer closely at him. "Cloud? Really?"

"Yeah…like, you know, the things in the sky."

Beside him, Genesis laughed and Zack shrugged. "You're covered in oatmeal," Zack said, shaking his head. Reaching out, he grabbed Cloud's hand. "Come with us."

"What?"

"You need a shower."

"He does," Genesis agreed, sharing a look with Zack. The two smiled and Cloud found himself being pulled down the hall. The hands in his laced their fingers together and somewhere in the back of his mind Cloud had the feeling that things were going to take a turn; for the worse or the better was still up for debate.

…

Months later, he still wasn't sure if running into Zack and Genesis had been a good thing. Zack liked to randomly bring him bowls of oatmeal and snicker relentlessly and he'd somehow been pulled into the arguing the two were so fond of. On the other hand…he was rather fond of the kisses he received on a daily basis and falling asleep between the two. He might have even been convinced to admit that he even liked the way Genesis neurotically cleaned his apartment at least three times a week and the way Zack came through directly afterward, titling picture frames and throwing his clothes all over the room.

A hand came up to touch his cheek and he smiled, coming out of his thoughts. "Hey."

"Good morning," Zack mumbled. "You were going cloudy again."

An arm snaked around his waist, pulling him back against a warm chest and he heard Genesis laugh quietly. "He's always cloudy, Zackary."

"Don't start, Gennifer. It's way too early."

Cloud rolled his eyes. He was pretty sure he'd never really figure out the answer. So, for now, he was just going to say he was both and go with it.

…

**The End. Now, eat some oatmeal. It's good for you and Zack and Genesis approve. **

**BUT WAIT.**

**A Wild, Alternate Ending Appears! Please thank the lady that cracks the whip for me for this one…**

…

Cloud jerked upright, smacking his head on the metal rails of the bunk above him. Groaning, he flopped back down, palm to his forehead. A...dream? It had all been a dream? "For fuck's sake," he muttered.

Shifting around he slid a leg to the left, figuring he might as well get up, and froze.

He was sticky…

Oatmeal was sticky… Maybe it really wasn't a dream...

He threw back the covers and glanced down at his stomach. He felt his cheeks heat and, very quietly, replaced the blankets, falling back into the bed. Okay...so it wasn't oatmeal... Fuck it, he'd deal with it later.

…

**Seriously. The End.**


End file.
